jokes

What do you call a group of musical pigs?
An oinkestra!

 

 

 

 

 

 Did you hear about the elephant who was always left out of things and thus felt irrelephant?

 

 

 

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!

Did you hear about the golfer trying to buy a new golf club? He looked at club after club after club. His friend asked him "Why are you taking so long?" He replied "I am looking for a hole in one!

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Ketchup.
Ketchup who?
Ketchup to me if you can, I have your wallet





A corny talk on the farm...
Do you know what the lettuce asked the radish? Let us be best friends?
And what did the radish answer? You naughty thing, you make me blush! you make me reddish!





A man makes a phone call to an export office in a port of France, and asks whether they can ship a 20’ container with live geese properly stored in their appropriate places.
Oui monsieur; what is the destination port for this load?
I’m sending them to the zoo in Brazil.
Wouldn’t you be better off calling the export office in Portugal?
Why is that sir? If you’re sending them to Brazil to avoid bureaucracy, then you should contact the Portuguese; of course!

Argentina ka Messi, Brazil ka Kaka...
Wah waaa wah waaa!!
Argentina ka Messi, Brazil ka Kaka...
Dono team baahar...
Ab karo WAKA WAKA!!

Shair Arz kia hai,
Deewaar Mein Lagi Steel ki Jaali hai,
Wah Wah
Deewaar Mein Lagi Steel ki Jaali hai,
Kia Tumhari Taraf Koi Makan Kiraye Ke liye Khali Hai.

Pyar mein hisab kitab nahi krte
ke kya khoya kya paya...
Gol gappay wala aaya
Gol gappay laya..
zaruri nahi her shair ka koi matlab ho...

:: husband and wife jokes ::

A Husband makes a call 2 his wife from his idea phone.
He dials wrong number. Another woman picks it.
Both talked for long time and fell in love.
Moral of the story: An idea can change your wife.

Woh tanha Andhere mein Bethi,
Ghanton intezar karti thi uska,
DiL se subuh shaam yaad karti thi usko,
BhooLe se b bhuLa nhi paati thi usko,
Phir Umeed ki ek kiran nazar i,
Andhere mein Roshni nazar i,

Husband and wife are like two tyres of a vehicle:
Even one punctures, the vehicle can't move further...
So, Intelligent people always carry a spare wheel

:: shadi jokes in Hindi ::

Soch samajh ke na ki shaadi,
sara janam bigad liya...
Soch samajh ke na ki shaadi,
sara janam bigad liya...
Chaturai se ki jisne...
usne kya ukhaad liya

Hathi nay kaha ja kar hathni ki kabar per
Sadqay jaoo tumhari patli kamar per...

Aankhon me noor hai
Chehre pe surour hai
Koi 'LARKI' mangey mera 'Number' to de dena"
Q k
Meri shaadi abhi boooohat dooooooooooooooooooooooR hai;

Dil ki dharkan par aitraz kon karega..
chahato pe jaan nisar kon karega
Khuda lambi kare umar apki
warna meri shadi main bartan saaf kon kare ga.

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
.
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
.
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

Santa : Mujhe mobile me MP3 songs dalwane hai.
Mobile Shop Wala : Memory card hai kya?
Santa : Nahi memory card nahi hai, RASAN CARD chalega?

Golu : Mom kya aapne mujhe paida hone se pehle dekha tha?

Mom : Nahi to beta!
Golu : To phir paida hone ke baad aapne mujhe pehchana kaise??

Banta ne FaceBook pe apna account banaya

aur apni WALL pe likha : Plz Do Not laugh...                                                                                                                                                                               
House owner: Rs 500 kiraya hoga. Tanent: Thik hai. Lekin aapke ghar me chuhey nach rahe hai.
House owner: To saale 500 me kya Sheela nachegi?

Santa : Tumhari biwi ka kya naam hai?
Banta : Google Kaur.
Santa : Ye kaisa naam hai?
Banta : Yaar mein jaha bhi hota hoon, wo mujhe dhoondh hi leti hai

Santa ko rota dekhkar Banta ne pucha kya hua?
Santa : Meine 2 ton ka AC kharida,
ghar aakar tola to sir 35 kilo ka nikla!

Sasur ne Daamaad se kaha : 6 saale me 8 baache.Ye kya hai?
Daamaad : Maine aapse kaha tha Gareeb jarur hu par aapki beti ko kabhi khali pet nahi rakhunga!



Santa ko uska sasur jute maar raha tha
Aadmi : Kyu maar rahe ho?
Sasur : Meinie ise Hospital se SMS kiya.
Tum baap ban gaye ho. Isne apne sare friends ko forward kar diya!

Nurse : Mubarak ho aap ke ghar ladka paida hua hai.
Santa : Wahh G wahh kya Ultra technology hai, Biwi meri hospital hai,
aur bacha mere ghar paida hua hai!!!

Height of Surprise:
“A boy after spending great time with GF,
Saw a guy’s photo in her bag
Asked – Is he ur X BF?
GF kissed him said no dear thats me before surgery…

Santa : Yaar meri biwi ghar chodkar bhag gaye.
Banta : Tune usse pyaar se nahi rakha hoga.
santa : Nahi yaar appni behan se bhi badkar rakha tha.

Sholey ki team ne IPL me part liya,Gabbar ke bowler ne 20 Over me 150 run diye aur extra me 200 run diye
Batao kyun?. . . . .. .. . .. . . .
Kyunki wicketkeepar thakur tha..:)

Kya aapko marne ke baad bhi ladko/ladkiyon ko line maarni hai??……………
“DONATE YOUR EYES”
Ek aache message ko kaise-kaise batana pad raha hai..Kalyug hai!!!

:: Punjabi jokes ::

1 Punjabi STD booth pe gaye or STD wale ke 2 thappad lagaye.
.
STD wale ne pucha,"Kyun mara"
.
Punjabi bola,"Samne board pe likha hai 2 laga ke dial kare."

An astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope Santa Singh was observing him,
Suddenly a star falls, seeing that Santa Singh shouted,"Kya nishana lagaya hai!"

Na mujhe kisi ka dil chahiye, na mujhe jamane se koi aas hai, jo apna samajh ke apni girlfriend ki pappi dilwa de bas aise dost ki talaash hai.

Sanskrit teacher asked :whats d meaning of 'tamasoma jyotirgmaya'
sardar studnt replies-"tum so jao ma main jyoti k ghar ja raha hu"

Premika: Main maa banne wali hoon,
Premi: Kya bakwas kar rahi ho..
Premika: Bakwas nahi, main tumhare papa se shaadi kar ke tumhari maa banne wali hoo.

Doctor Jokes - doctor jokes in Hindi

Socho Agar doctors film banate to title kya hota:

1. Kabhi khansi kabhi jukham
2. Kaho na bukhar hai
3. TB no. 1
4. Kal patient ho na ho
5. Hum blood de chuke sanam

Santa Radio lekar khet me potti karne gaya.
Banta:Aaj to maje se ki hogi?
Santa:Khak maje se ki, radio pe Jan-Gan-Man aa gaya. Khade khade kani padi.

 Munna bhai: "Circuit, agar bus pe tu chade, ya fir tujpe bs chadJaye 2 kya hoga"!!
Circuit: "bole 2 bhai,dono baar ticket apani hi kategi."

 Maa-Nalayak Kaha Thi Itni Raat Tak?
Beti-Boyfriend Ke Saath,
Maa-Kar Aayi Na Muh Kala,
Beti-Toh Kya Hua Maa Fair & Lovely Hai Na. . .

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